Who does she think she is?!?!

so i keep posting blogs to make sure that my friendster is updated. otherwise, i will be moving to facebook completely. It’s the first day of my week 37 (of being pregnant, that is) and writing thoughts, i found it to be helpful in a therapeutic way.

According to my antenatal attendant and babycentre.com, by now the foetal inside my tummy is already in its full term. That means, the baby could be delivered at anytime by now (though ideally the maturity mark is 39 weeks) Anyhow, just in case, i am told to start packing my hospital bag, which will consist of a full set of baby attire (humm.. pink with flower or winny the pooh one?), nursing pad (gotta run to pharmacy to get some of that), loose dresses (hey, grandma pjs.. wherefore art thou?) stretch mark cream, and so on and so on.

I’d been meditating on my though, lately. what exactly will happen when it happens? what will happen to me when “the time” is coming? Goodness it feels like “waiting for Jesus for the second coming”. The excitement and nervous breakdown are too overwhelming at times. i keep finding myself awake at night. I’m like waiting just in case it might happen in the middle of the night when i am less prepared (you know, ur brain is not working properly at 2 am in the morning, rite? or is it just me?) Mind you, the other day i even got an actual dream that the time is due. it felt so real it sends shiver to my tiniest backbone. Arrrgghh… cant get over the thought.

Me gurls are asking me, what am i afraid of? They’re just “get it over and done with. once you are in it, you’re gonna go along with the whole process naturally” And i was like, “uh-huh! talk to the hand, mama. u got a caesarean!” But actually, it’s not the labour pain i’m worrying about (well at least not the most), but i’d been thinking that It seems like no matter how long u’ve prepared yourself (physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually), there is no way that u can feel ready and prepared. Having a baby is a life changing experience, a beginning of a new journey for prada sake.

So many questions to answer from practical ones to principle ones, like how am i going to cope with the long hours? what kind of values would i need to impart to my baby? how am i going to share the parenting burdens with husband, my parents, my in-laws, the nanny and the teacher? are they going to teach my baby things that contradict my values? what do i expect from my child? would i be losing myself to my kid? is she going to be ok with seeing me 24/7? am i going to bore her? what kind of future do i want to prepare for my baby? what if hubby and i have different views and values on parenting? i cant even decide whether to get my baby a “baby bjorn” or not?! should i get her a rocking chair? should i go with disposable pampers or cloth diapers? should i get her vitamin K injection straightaway or later? do i want a peg perego or quinny baby stroller? hhuuummm…..

dunno.dunno.dunno.dunno.

something to do until i figure out the answers to questions stated above :

-keep goin to parenting seminar, read more books, and ask more questions to my mummy friends.. and ow, i’m hosting a baby shower sometimes soon end of this month.

it’s a lovely chilly breezy Friday afternoon, baby G wont stop kicking mummy’s tummy (yes, she’s always on sugar high) and i’m kinda busy, you know, multitasking.

Task no.1 : reading restaurant reviews on “eating-wa.com” (It’s for me Birthday dinner/baby shower/quarter life crisis celebration, 5 star is not that much to ask, rite?)

Task no.2 : thinking of whether to support Federer or Nadal on final of Australian Open (who am i kidding? Of course i’m all for Roger!)

Task no.3 : apartment hunting.. location.. location.. location..

Task no.4 : work emails (once you thought maternity leaves = extended vacation.. Think again!)

Task no.5 : ahh.. jetstar tickets for mum and dad!

Task no.6 : call to confirm antenatal appointment and yoga classes

Task no 7. : Book tickets for cirque de soleil. Anyone up for theater date nite with moi? (still couldn’t find good seats though.. location.. location.. location..)
So, based on the fact that i had spent more than 2 weeks to finish those tasks (which actually is still so far from finish line) i realized that i’m getting more Confused, indecisive, inconclusive and shatter-minded each year. I remember the time when it used to be so easy to choose which pair of shoes goes with my LBD, which particular car to buy, in what colour and with what features and options. I used to know which school to go to, what major to study and what kind of guy i want to marry (hew yeah!)

I wonder what has gotten into my head lately.. why it is so hard to decide on small things. Why things has got to become more complicated? Why sweat the small stuff? Does age has anything to do with it? Afterall, i’m almost half-middle-aged.

No kidding, people do pay attention when it comes to my pregnancy attire. Last night, when we were sitting zipping our (deeply missed) bubble tea, i was bombarded with questions such as, “seriously, no hair and make up for 9 months?”, “Cant be bothered to do the nails anymore huh?”, “you? no high heels”, “no shopping? that’s shocking, coming from you”

Yes, i haven’t cut or even trimmed my hair for 8 months, nor have i had any desire to put on make up or even re-shaped my eyebrows for parties. My nails need a 911 treatment and nope, i did not go shopping because it is depressing to know that i only fit into a size 30 instead of size 26.

Yes, i want to clarify for the second time that my everyday attire (by choice) are hair crunchy,  hotel flip-flops,  and grandma PJs (I have 3 of them, of the same batik motif only in different colour)

Yes, i think i have made some girls terrified on the idea of getting pregnant.

But,

Other than my terrifying pjs and dull hair, i found out that my friends who live abroad actually postpone the idea of conceiving a baby straightaway after marriage because having a baby for them is some sort of un-affordable luxury.

People who live abroad don’t have the luxury of time to juggle between career, a house and a garden to take care of, a marriage, a ministry and a baby, and 9 months of grandma pj to add insult to injury. See, back in my la la land in Jakarta, i delegate those tasks with my personal assistant, my driver, my maid , my parents and (of course) my husband.

Back in Perth, i keep hearing the same old song, ” if we’re having a baby, then one of us have to stop working, otherwise we have to put the baby in daycare. That, by the way, is charged by the hour. That we cannot afford. We cant also afford a single income because we have a mortgage to pay”

**Note, if you are married. Renting is no longer acceptable. Mortgage is mandatory.

Sometimes it feels good to live in a developing country, huh! (Merdeka!) And bottom line is, as i have always said to my friends, “Don’t want what other people have because you have something that they do not have. So, flaunt what you have!” And yes, i’m declaring it,people.

i love my grandma PJs and hair crunchy.

yes, it has been 2 weeks since we packed our luggage, took 6 hours flight and landed in the land of ultimate heat and dryness. Well, it is a familiar place though. The “Perth” that we have always known all these times. It is good to be in a familiar place, especially for such a time as this.

By such a time as this, i’m referring to the 5 weeks that i have left before my little precious is due to be born (yay!)

For those who know me well enuf, would have known that i am not good at driving, numbers and waiting. Yes, and the last one has been driving me insane lately. Everytime i meet up with friends, they’ve been saying “Ahh.. cepet banget udah 5 bulan”, “..gak ketemu bentar, tau2 udah 6 bulan”, ” lin, 3 mths to go.. ga kerasa ya!”, “Uda 7 bulan? my goodness, next time kita ketemu kamu uda jadi mami”

Uh-huh, i suppose “cepet banget” and “gak kerasa ” is totally an understatement. Ladies, if u have traveled down this road before, you know what it feels like to wish that u wont have to go thru’ another day of sesek napas, those bladder irritations, those crazy SUGAR CRAVINGS (i’m sorry for makin you a little chubby my baby gal!) rubber-elastic-size14-shapeless-colourless-pants , flat sandals, daily-hair-cruchy (i swear by it), GRANDMA PJAMAS (uh-huh), and trouble with sleeping, and back problem, and head ache and braxton hicks contractions, and flat havaians, and folic acid, iron supplements and any other supplements for that matter and have i mentioned grandma pj?

i just told cha2 the other day, i’m staying in the land of wine and cheese for 3 months but i cant consume any of them (sigh). I miss “brown brothers” and “a slice of brie” and an all day marathon of hot capucino and sashimi and full body massage and my high-heels.

Yep, i’m officially a bad mama. Don’t mind my complaining. I just cannot wait to see my babygal in person. me husband and I, we have been talking and dreaming and envisioning how she will look like, what kind of lady she wud turn out to be, what school we wud send her too (inspired by gossip girl series), the kind of guy she would date and marry (definitely too much watching gossip girls) and all of those kinda things.
so, there goes my weekly complaints. It’s 40 degrees outside, and your super pregnant friend here is blogging, with the companionship of chai latte, tony bennett playing in the background and too many wishful thoughts on her mind.

so i hav an hour to kill before my marinated ribs are ready to be scooted down to the oven, and because there is nothing good on tv (shame! why TVRI has to be the one that broadcast the olympic. I mean, the presenter cant remember the lines. she delivers the news by reading her palm card.) blogging, i thought, is refreshing every now and then.

Well, four months of marriage and 3 months of pregnancy (not the other way around, i’m pretty sure hehe) have been quite a blast.Now that i have two rings on my finger (i put my engagement ring on top of my wedding ring so i can wear both at the same time, and no confusion on which one should be on the right or left??!!), i figured out that i am bound to keep my wedding vows for the rest of my life.

Yes, for those who attended  the service (or watched the DVD) you must have clearly heard (and laughed at me) when i said that " I promise that i will learn to cook, to wake up early in the morning and to learn to drive better" **Sigh..* Apparently, husband cleary remember those three promises every single solitary day of our married life, so everytime i served a "takeaway" meal, he’s like "What happens to your wedding vow???" 

Since i dont  see any way out of this mess, i learn to cook. and i do cook good, y’know. So far, i’m handling ok wif this being married thing. In fact, being married is greeeeaattt. I’m so recommending marriage to y’all (that is if you have found the right one) But everynow and then cant stop missing some bits and pieces from my single life. You girls know what i’m reffering to, late night Sex and City DVD marathons, 3 hours of salon session followed by day spa and all that shopping marathon, going overseas over the weekend with the girls for shopping spree and of course my single-gal apartment (all of em frm perth all the way to taman anggrek)

If you say that married woman can still go to salon for 3 hours full session of manicure pedicure creambath and blow dry.. well, let me ask you, how often can you do that now? I’m like, everytime i feel like going for a self pamplering, there comes those voices inside of my head that says "time to cook, time to go to the bank, time to visit inlaws, time to go to see the doctor" and so off i go with my un-manicured nails and flat hair.

and how i miss my apartment.. with stacks and stacks of Vogue and Harper Bazaar laying around my bed. pink wallpaper, flowery bedsheet (try to bring that to our apartment now and i’ll be finished) and my DVD and shoe rack.. *sigh*

But hey, two rings on the finger are worth giving away all of those "flesh-self indulgence" things. i love sharing a beige wallpaper bedroom and a 80cm tall bed with white coloured bedsheet with me husband anyway.

And of course with this pregnancy, you bet i sacrifice even more huh.. you name it, no high heels, no coffee, no martini, not even a good glass of brown brothers, no durian, have i mentioned no coffee??, no travelling by plane, and ahhhh no skinny jeans or any size 26 jeans for that matter. But baby, i am more than prepared to give up many other thing, and anything becaaaausee it’s worth it.

Apparently, that’s what all girls need when they realise that their wedding day is less than two weeks away. Anyhow, please do check your mailbox, dear friends, we are trying to tiki the invitation by this week.

Speaking of indulgence, it’s kinda hard to soothe your body in the midst of all these chaos (read: doing wedding preparation and decorating apartment and woooork!! at the same time) I think even thou i’m goin to spa and get massage for 2 hours, i still feel tired and all.. must be that the mind is keep on working thou the body has been asking for rest..

Does anyone has a suggestion on how to rest the mind?? mind spa or something?

I suppose retail therapy can always be counted on in times of despair. Well, any normal women will agree that a huge, fat, red banner in front of LINEA store that states "50% off everything" will solve even the stiff-est PMS mood swing, period. But then again, the "good wife" voice inside of me always whisper sweet nothing just by the time i’m about to purchase the sky-rocketed-to-die-heels the other day, "if i swipe the card now, what about the wallpaper and panci and bedsheet and curtain’s blackout that i need to buy for our household?!?!" … dilemma, dilemma…

Now that we have finished our fast track-super accelerated marriage counselling with our pastor, listened to one too many sermon tapes and filling in our marriage preparation workbook, doing lots and lots of praying and fasting, well, cross our fingers, we hope that we have prepared a good foundation for a lasting (and happy) marriage.

But still, we cannot decide on what kind of food to be served on dinner table once we get married. "I’ve collected all delivery numbers of all restaurants in senayan area thou", that still remains a mystery and of course the question of "What will happen after you get married?"

Last night, when we were sitting in the dining room writing down the list of kitchen utensils that we need to purchase for ACE in soon-to-be our apartment, our good friends (a newly married pair and a soon to be married pair) visited us. We took them for a mini tour around the apartment and explaining details about our coffee table, chandelier, bookcase and carpet. (They’re like andy warhol pieces to us!)

And the groom to be was like, "Is this what married couple do? Visit other married couple house and talking about furnitures and dulux paint?"

humm..may be!! **doubtful..

Alrite, so i have 30 minutes to kill before i am officially allowed to conclude works today. Yes, i wonder who still comes to the office on Saturday? *grumpy.

Well, we planned to drive all the way to panglima polim and fatmawati in the quest of searching for the perfect chandelier. One that is slim, sleek, clean and not complicated (his taste) and has a touch of crystal, baroque and a dramatic effect (my taste) yeahhh not complicated and dramatic are sort of accronym, dont they?

House nourishment, or renovation if you want to simplify it, takes lots and lots of time, i just realised. It has been 3 months and we still cannot find the right wallpaper for our foyer. Not to be discouraged thou, we are pleased to see that our lounge chair and cabinet, produced by Julian Nyland, turn out to be "oh-so-delicious"

Speaking of delicious, i just did my second hair extension last week. Wisemen say, Fool are those who cannot make it better on the second time around. Thank goodness, my hair stylist is anything but foolish.

Anyhow, when it comes to the marriage preparation department, i think we really need to thank our newlyweds friends, mr and mrs oetomo for the "Making Marriage Works" book that they gave to us. Darling, it’s 5 weeks down the Big day and we managed to make it to chapter 3. Hardwork! Hardwork.

Is it just me, or does anyone has any trouble answering questions like

• "Do you notice any pattern in your previous relationship, like are you the more committed one or the one that fall in and out of love easily?"
• "How much do you plan to give to your spouse on their birthday"
• "What kind of food are you going to prepare for your spouse?"

I mean, COME ON!! no wonder divorce rate is increasing rapidly every year! Well, for the sake of keeping this marriage works.. i grabbed my pen and answered,

1. hummm…. men = crosswords puzzle.(He frowns)
2. proportionally to the portion that he gives to me (he frowns again)
3. Honey, we like KFC dont we???

so, i only have 6 weeks left before the big day, but who’s counting anyway! The original plan was to go on carbs diet, may be aitkins or southbeach ways are optional too, but somehow we keep finding ourselves, at 12:00 on the street of pecenongan, eating bakut and pork satay. Couldnt be worse than that, i suppose.

But mum says , "thou shalt not get sick" so , she instructed me to consume more calcium and chinese herbs before walking down the aisle. As if that would help to reduce the nervous breakdown you will experience when pronouncing the vows. Well, submission is just a matter or obedience afterall.

More and more confusion, Alas! all wives-to-be, when you have to go to GOODRICH to choose one out of the hundreds of wallpaper samples that is just right for your 25 sqm front foyer. Not that only that particular wallpaper has to have the right colour that match your curtain, sofa, armchair, library case and finishing of your front door, but it also has to have the right texture so it will compliment your foyer table instead of making everything looks like a huge mess. You think that’s a lot of works already, wait until the time comes for you to choose the paint, the fabrics, the cushions, dinner plates and Aha! the bedlinen.

I will be so glad if i inherit a little hint of MELANCHOLY DNA. That way, choosing linens and paint would be a pleasure instead of pain.

Let’s confess, who doesnt want the luxury of taking a chill pill every now and then? work: overload will only cause exhaustion. So, yes i’m taking my chill pill today. I’m sending my brain for vacation, afterall long weekend is only a week away. So, yes, just letting all the workaholics at CBD know, that it is 12:00 am and i still am at home: blogging, enjoying my capucinno and watching junks (a.k.a infotainment) on tv.